this · year's · most · open · heartbreak

I miss the la-dee-da days of highschool and the days when friends actually felt close to me.

Not people I see once in a blue moon for awkward catch up conversations and wondering where the hell time has gone, not to mention a real friendship.

Ohhh life. Sometimes we all just get too busy and forget what really matters. Love.

Car accidents suck.
I am very, very sore. Ugh.

Why does Christmas always seem to be the most joyous yet depressing holiday ever? I don't even know why. Its a holiday season of severe ups and downs for everyone it seems.

6 more days till freedom.
The time can't come fast enough.
I hope I'm not still sick so I can go to the gym.
I've been itchin to go for so long! Stupid weather/school.
Then I'll have time for Christmas things :)

I've got some kick-ass presents planned this year.
After all, I am the queen of "tear jerker" presents.

I'm way too cynical for life these days.

And way too unmotivated for the expecations of university students.

Fuck it?

Still waiting to hear back from the doctor. Bleh.

But on the bright side, I realized yesterday that I have lost 25 pounds since last summer, and I am pretty proud of that. I have come a long way. And I have done it healthily and look and feel better than ever before. I am strong, a lot stronger than I ever thought, and I feel very good about where I am right now. A good job, great classes picked for the fall, great boyfriend still, great living arrangements to look forward to and a great future ahead of me.

I went to emerg last night. It was crazy in there.
Was there till 4 this morning.
Luckily things are okay...sorta.

Doctors appointment this week, wish me luck.

Job promotions like crazy. It's pretty weird.
I just keep getting thrown into all these places.
I'm not even serving food anymore because I have too many shifts elsewhere. So now I'm receptionist, ward clerk, medical record clerk, I'm working for the engineer doing some data entry and whatnot for him, and I might be partially an event planner (plan games, bbqs etc. for the Sisters) because ours just got a new job and we wont be hiring a new one till october. Crazy.

Bye bye summer.

And school starts so soon, holy shit.

New in the life of Kate:

- My parent's house is up for sale. It's very sad, and very hard on me. I hate packing my things up. I moved out in November but still have so much here and it's so hard throwing so much away. Very sad.
- Moving in with my mom in September. Out in summerside.
- Start Kings in september. I'm taking Psychology, Childhood and Social Institutions, Social Work, English and World Religion. Sweet schedule.
- Job promotions at work like crazy. Started in dietary aide (serving the nuns food) and now I am a receptionist and I am a ward clerk (organizing appointments, ordering supplies, answering phones, typing notes, etc.) as well. Very busy.

The biggest issue...

- I'm terrified of London. And the world as a whole. I don't like it. Too many bad things happening, things are getting really weird. Scary. Confusing. It's making me feel desperate and paranoid like crazy. I don't like it, and I don't like knowing that I can't really escape it either. Ack.

The end.

Must get out of London.
Moving away next year I think.
Plans are in the works.
Screw london and everything about it.

Life has been an amazing experience this past year.
To me the most important things I've realized are:
- Education. So you can follow your dreams and not let anything small like money, time or what you believe you cannot do get in the way. Push harder.
- Love. Loving everyone no matter what they may have done in the past or the differences you may have. For you can only love God as much as you love your worst enemy.
- Lifestyle. The saying is true, you are what you eat. And since I've started eating clean I am looking and feeling so much better. Life is about choices and the decision to eat clean and work out has been the one of the best decisions I ever could have made. It has changed me so much.
- Family. Family is never easy, especially in stressful times like now, but you have to learn to love them unconditionally and extend a helping hand no matter what. Family is all you've got at certain times so you have to love them like no other and show them that on a daily basis, so that they know you are there to help in times of need.
- Communication. This is very important to build lasting relationships and friendships. It is also important for building character and reputation. Poor communication or judgement can show lack of character and it really drags you down. Gossip and judgement do nothing but set you back further in the world. So love. Love as much as you can.

Jordan Cook is the best thing to ever happen to me.
The end.

Work, work, work, work.
But the sunshine makes it not so bad =)
Plus, nuns are probably my favourite people ever.
I love seeing them every day, they are so cute.
So grateful, unlike the rest of society.
Its refreshing, renewing, and rewarding.
It makes going to work every day worth it.

Plus the fact that one of them looks like my grandma I lost in December. Looks, talks and acts like her. I love her. She's amazingly sweet. And everyone I work with is portugese, so I stick out like crazy haha. But I love it. I really do.

Everything is going to be okay.
Just breathe. Relax. Enjoy.

And uncle dave comes today! Yeyeyeyeye! I LOVE HIM!
I wish he could live here all the timmmme <3
Off to church I go!

Blahhhhhhh.
Everyone is in such a weird spot.
Myself included.
I think I saw Mike Lukasik tonight...weird.

But yeah, weird times right now.
I really need God to help me through this. Frig.

I love the fact that I can still wake up nearly 15 months later and still feel just as in love, if not more, than the day it all started.

Not to mention the fact that I get to wake up with him every day and feel like I have a real family. Just me, Jordan, and our four pirhannas. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

5 years today. Whoa.

Training is really really hard.
And tiring.

Stay focused. Stay focused. Stay focused.

Man, drug withdrawls totally fuck with your mind and body. Sucks.

Church is really starting to frustrate me.

All I want is for my family to get along again, to spend time together, to talk to one another and to get through this.

I hate thinking about the fact my house will be sold in 5 months. :(